Virtual School: the agent of change

I don’t think I’ve always been a good parent — certainly not perfect. I’ve had to read books on raising kids to learn alternative methods of dealing with my kids besides threats and yelling. I’ve always wanted a deeper relationship with them, but not until now have I known how to give the time to have one. I have Covid-19 and the President’s poor response to the pandemic crisis to thank.

We are in phase 1 of virtual school. Each day I hope to be done by 3pm so that I can turn on my computer and edit the documentary that has taken me way too long to finish, but THAT hasn’t happened yet.

My first born, by a minute, has anxiety about getting an answer wrong, or not being able to learn the concept. He also has anxiety when I get out of the car to pump gas. I blame myself. We had twins and were just trying to keep them alive so we overplayed certain things that we perceived to be dangerous. Now he has anxiety about certain situations. Anyway, he is getting better in other areas but school work is still an issue.

When he was in school he rarely completed an assignment. We had him assessed for ADHD and Aspergers. He may be borderline but actually tested out of both, for now. But with me, he completes all of his assignments. And I have only screamed and threatened once or twice :-).

Seriously, we are often still trying to get his work done at 5 pm. Some days I decide to let his dad do the finishing inspirations. And certainly my hubby has worked a day or so as the virtual-home teacher.

Everyday it gets better. I get better at the schedule and the teacher gets better at communicating the schedule. The twins are slowly getting more independent, such that when they log off of class-time, they tell me what they have to do next. They are getting better at finding their assignments.

I keep it fun, them fed, loved and comforted. When I get frustrated, I try to turn it into a self-reflective joke.

As a parent of twins comparisons and competition are to only be used in dire situations, so most of my effort is in developing individuals that do their own homework, and don’t worry about what the other is up to. Yet, they often have the same assignments so if I can, I try to give them the opportunity to explain to one another, or to teach what they have learned to the “group”. They are very lucky to be twins right now.

Each day I never know what sort of excuses I will get, or bad moods, and ornery resistance that keeps me reminding them we are in school and that I STILL HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO WORK.

What will come out of all of this? Well, I, and a whole lot of other parents will have a deeper, if not deep understanding of their child’s learning successes and shortcomings. I am in contact with their teachers daily. My mom was only ever in contact with my teachers on parent-teacher day, or when they called her with a concern. What parents are learning about the educational industry, the daily life of teachers, and our children as students, will forever change the shape of education, for the better.

Because of the pandemic, my kids are having a more relaxed life. We are closer and there is a lot less frustration floating around because we have a lot fewer transitions in our day. I remember getting everyone up to go to school, rushing them, starting off chipper, but quickly descending into harsher modes and tactics when I encountered resistance. If we had a rough start to the day, I used the drive time to attempt to reset their spirits, but sometimes someone had an opinion on whether I should take the freeway or not, that turned into a debacle. Or maybe we just couldn’t make everyone happy enough to be smiling by the time we arrived to their school. Then I would rush home to get work done before picking up my daughter and the boys again to go home, or the gym, do homework, read, and eat dinner, bathe, then go to bed.

Now we just wake up and get dressed. One boy walks the dogs. They eat breakfast, brush and then log on to class. Lunch is usually organic home cooked food. Love is generously dolled out throughout the day with snacks served during class or schoolwork, and deep conversations regarding learning processes are the usual. Complements, and inspirations come with the frustrations all in one.

Do I want them to get back to the classroom? Yes. But I never want to just let the teacher do all of the teaching again. So while we are all contemplating smaller class size, closing the huge social and economical gap caused by the pandemic, we need to keep in mind how to continue parental involvement in a way that makes schools more like a social circle than a daycare.

Envision a community where we look to schools as a place for our education and being a parent means you are a teacher too, even if that isn’t your income earning job. Parents who never liked school have a second chance at giving school to their kids through constant help and support from the school community.

Imagine catering to parents who struggle to understand how to support their kids in school, or even what appropriate actions to take when their kids are failing because they, themselves were so underserved when they were in school. Imagine adding value to their experiences that we have often judged as not exemplary and avoided in the past. Imagine inviting a tattooed essential worker with gold teeth to talk about what it was like to work the front line during the pandemic. Imagine a community that invites the low-income families to be involved in their children’s education in a way that makes them feel good.

My husband can pay our rent, food, and expenses. Due to my freelance schedule, I have been the partner who bears the stay-at-home-order the most. Fortunately, I received unemployment and the pandemic relief. I really hope more comes because most of my past work required travel or interviewing people in enclosed spaces, responding to RFP’s, which I don’t have time for, and often all of the above. But I am able to pay the minimum on my credit cards for the time being. I’m not getting ahead, and will not be able to pay my student loans when the pandemic deferment ends. I hope to finish the documentary before it doesn’t matter if I do. I hope I have a career when this is all over.

However, my story is one of privilege. I don’t have to worry about rent, at least, not now. I can stay home and monitor my twin’s education with only a slightly valid worry about my own wellbeing.

That is not the case for a lot of people. In the best of circumstances, grandmothers, babysitters, and friends are monitoring children’s virtual education, which is all well and good. I wonder how those folks are handling all of the handholding kids need right now to navigate the new system, especially those who cannot yet read. Those best of circumstances can percolate to a similar experience as the one I am having for some loving grandmothers, caring babysitters, and friends. Caregivers may be hearing reports from these people that shed light on previous conversations with teachers. They may be also taking some days themselves to monitor their child’s attendance and in doing so are also interacting with the teachers on a new level. Maybe the community involvement is spreading. I hope so.

But I suspect, that is not the case for a lot of families because our society is built on the backs of underpaid essential workers who struggle to survive, much less pay babysitters and well wishers to attend to their children. Many of their kids are monitored by older siblings who have their own virtual classes. Many single parents are hoping they can manage online and asynchronous time to somehow fit in some learning between paycheck earning. With that said, all caregivers are probably more in touch than ever before with their children’s learning difficulties if only because of the ubiquitous email and text exchanges happening these days. Teachers who, in the past, have managed artful communications to parent’s who honestly didn’t know how to care for their child’s education, to tell them their child is not yet reading up to their grade level, while making sure the parents also feel their child is treated fairly in school, are finally understood more than ever before in recent history.

I think I can speak for the masses in saying we all have a new found empathy for teachers because of virtual school.

While I am having parenting epiphanies and personal evolutions that make me a better person, others are falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair. Now the education they could rely on isn’t there and in some cases, their kids will suffer loss of education that will affect them for life.

While my children will make it out of this time with a deeper, more loving, fun relationship to school, and their mom, others will not make it out with a love of school. School may be associated with the frustration of those who attended to their virtual technology needs, a lack of structure and challenge, feelings of being left out of a pod on top of all of the social isolation from the pandemic, loss, insecurity, or worse and more.

So, I propose that we change the shape of education from what it was before the pandemic. Certainly this should include paying teachers more and more funding from federal and local government! But also, this should include having caregivers, and grandparents in the classroom more, by integrating school with daily life. Having seminars for career advancement that incorporate parenting techniques and standards for everyday life along with dinner. Social time between parents from all background with an extra effort to engage at risk families in a way we do not successfully accomplish now.

We need an attitude that wants to help uplift those who are suffering right now and who have been suffering for a long time.

Instead of normal fundraisers, let’s offer everyday goods, such as coffee and food products, to low-income families at a below market rate that still benefits the school so that everyone feels like they can contribute. Let’s get creative and figure out how to include low-income families so they feel like they can and should be involved in their children’s school and education.

Let’s find a way to make school an inclusive community by realizing it takes a village to raise all of the kids and that each person has something about them that is a valuable contribution. Injustice starts in school so let’s stop it there. If we can do this, we will have made lemonade out of lemons.

This can all start by individuals opening their minds to everyone sharing this experience we are all having together. We can all become agents of change to remake our educational system.